How babies are born in Canada. [via]
Hey! That’s not how they’re born, that’s just how we find them, in our maple syrup buckets. No one knows how the fuck they’re born.
Sigh, I wanted wait until you were older to have The Talk, but I guess now is as good a time as any. OK, how do I put this.
You see, kiddo, when a maple tree and a moose love each other very much, the moose brings the maple tree a double-double from Tim Hortons, as well as a 24 pack of Timbits - nothing maple flavoured, because that would be cannibalism, see. Then, the moose and the maple tree exchange hockey pucks and Celine Dion CDs. When they do that, the moose puts a baby seed in the maple tree’s sap bucket. Nine months later, a new Canadian is born!
And that’s where babies come from.
Canadian babies, at least. American babies are born when an eagle lands on a cherry tree and brings it FREEDOM.